It's not a diet, it's a "lifestyle choice"...

I've always thought that line was complete and utter bullshit, personally. But at the same time I would be knocking it down, I would see other people who have made similar "lifestyle choices" losing tons of weight. While I stayed fat.

Obviously something wasn't right here. Either I was wrong about diets being bad/I had the wrong mindset, or eating all that junk food was making me fatter, which made other people just seem skinnier in comparison. But I still couldn't get into the mindset that I wasn't doing something bad, wasn't constricting myself in some way. I got used to people making comments about how I looked, or how I could be better, because in some way it seemed as though it was better to live with the comments then it would be to actually fix the problem.

In the past couple of days, something changed. In an email that I sent to one of my friends, I said that I was "sick of being fat". But that's not really the whole story. I'm sick of being... in a place, mentally and emotionally, where I am just content. I don't have any challenges, I don't have any real fun, I just exist from day to day. And I think that for too long, I have accepted that that was the way things were supposed to be, instead of reaching out and changing them.

But now I'm done with that. I'm working on eating better (right now I'm working on not eating all of my junk food at once, so if I eat something junky I have to balance it out with something healthy. Today my choices are a)small bag of chips with water b)can of Mtn. Dew with carrots, c) perogies with either some Dew or water, and d) chocolate with water. I hope that'll be enough to keep me full for a while, as I really don't want to have to go back to the store.) I'm putting myself out in the world more - joined the Socrates Cafe at the library, and I'm planning on working a lot less this summer and maybe going on some trips with my friends. And speaking of work, I'm not working as much as I used too, though my stress level hasn't gone down that much. But I guess babysteps are the way to go.

Scratch that. I KNOW babysteps are the way to go, and they're the only way that I am going to get any real results out of these changes. So yes. Babystepping.